I feel your heart, the sinking heaviness of a bottomless pit. I see you desperately trying to crawl your way out. The wall and hardened skin you’ve created to protect yourself only serve to keep everything bottled up within you. You are yearning to reach out and feel all the love in the world returned to you, only coming up with empty arms again and again. Your grief is a sign of love that time will heal.
Grief is one of the most difficult emotions you will face in your lifetime. Deep grief can pull you into the Dark Night of the Soul, a term used to describe a deep sense of meaninglessness. While grief is extremely difficult, it is also an invitation for transformation.
I have experienced grief many times and in many ways in my life. The deaths of friends and my grandparents, the ending of relationships and certain phases of my life, waking up one day and realizing I’d lost myself completely, and the fear or possibility of loss all have their own unique pain. On top of that, being empathic and deeply sensitive while watching and experiencing the deep suffering in this world can make life seem like suffering is all there is.
Can you relate to any of these experiences? Perhaps you’ve experienced loss in another way. The loss of a parent or child can be one of the deepest wounds one experiences in life. Or maybe you’ve lost a job or had a great financial loss. While the ways we experience loss are vastly different, the experience of grief and loss is a universal experience that we all must learn from and move through.
If I could shift just one thing for you if you are experiencing loss, it would be for you to know that you are not alone. I would be there and just hold space for you, to share in that moment with you as you meet your grief would be such a gift. When someone meets you there and gives you permission to be exactly as you are it makes all the difference in the world.
This is because it allows you to give yourself permission to be there, to feel and feel deeply, to feel safe and held exploring those feelings. Grief can only end when you move through it when you allow yourself to feel it and all the emotions that come with it. Even then, I don’t believe that grief ever truly ends. Without love, we would never experience grief, when you grieve you are loving and that is what makes grief beautiful.
With grief comes a whole series of other emotions. This is why grief can run so deep and feel like a black hole. It is why grief can be so incredibly transformative. Grief invites you to do deep healing work on yourself and come out on the other side stronger and with even more love in your heart.
You are invited to see and feel all that is within yourself, into the depths of human experience. As you grieve, waves of emotion wash over you for deep transformative healing. You feel the shame of your experience for you have been taught not to speak about your loss, that inherently there is something wrong with you for not being or doing a certain way. You feel anger at the world and the people in it for taking away what you loved so deeply. You direct your anger at yourself, how could you let this happen? There must have been something you could have done to control it. You wonder why sometimes even your own body failed you. Guilt washes over you for all that you’ve said or done that brought suffering to others. You believe you are unforgivable. It all crashes over you, enveloping you and leaving you broken, battered, and torn.
During this process, you may experience the closing and hardening of your heart. There is a part of you that has to push it all down just to cope and get by. You do what you can given the circumstances. But the problem with bottling things up is they will rise to the surface again, to invite you to move through it and heal.
You must feel it. When you do love, your heart will be cracked open. Space will be created. You create so much room and capacity for so much love. You become able to relate to others on a much deeper level. Suddenly, you find yourself able to forgive yourself and others. The love you have for yourself deepens and you amplify that into the world. You open your arms and reach out and for the first time, love comes pouring in. The time is coming my love.
For now, I invite you to use this prayer (if you do not believe in God, please change the name to your higher power or higher self):
“Dear God, I surrender to you the pain that is in my heart.
I give to you my failure, my shame, my loss, my devastation.
I know that in you, Dear God, all darkness is turned to light.
Pour forth your Spirit upon my mind and help me to forgive my past.
Make my life begin again.
Restore my soul and bring me peace.
Comfort me in this painful hour – that I might see again my innocence and good.
I have fallen, Dear God, and I feel I cannot rise.
Please lift me up and give me strength.
Set my feet upon the path to peace and help me not to stray again.
I pray for forgiveness.
I am crushed by my failure.
Please show me who I am to you – that self-hate shall not defeat me.
Help me remember and reclaim my good.
Help me become who you would have me become and live the life you would have me live – that my tears shall be no more
– Marianne Williamson
Reiki is pure love energy. As I wrote this message, I channeled this Divine Love energy and the messages from my Spirit Team. Each session we have, we channel this Divine Love for you to fill the spaces in your soul and make space in your heart. You can book a session both virtually and in-person here.
You are so loved!