Healing From Miscarriage

The last 3 weeks I’ve really been in hermit mode. At the beginning of May, I was feeling so proud, I was on top of my game with my business and I started to see the busiest weeks in my business since the beginning of the pandemic.

The last week of May brought on a rollercoaster of experiences and it feels really important to me to share them with you. In the past, I’ve been really quiet about what I’m going through in my healing journey, for the most part, but I’ve always known that I want to use my healing journey to help others. If you want to hear about my journey up until now, I recommend checking out the recent podcast interview I did on The Dragonfly Connection Podcast.

I want to share this story with you because I think it’s so important to talk about the really tough things.

I want to share my healing journey with my experiences so far and highlight the importance of your empowerment and listening to your intuition on your healing journey. In a lot of ways, this message is something I need to hear for myself. So thank you for giving me the space to share with you.

If you know nothing about me, let me preface this story by saying that I’m engaged and currently in the process of planning our wedding. It feels so good to be at this point in my life and have found someone who values the same things that I do and has the same hopes and dreams for the future.

One of my lifelong dreams has been to be a mother.

I started taking care of babies when my brother was born, at just 18 months old. My mom loves to share about how I was changing diapers while wearing diapers. My first dream for life was to become a stay-at-home mom and have lots of kids just like my mom. That dream’s changed over time, but what hasn’t changed is my longing for motherhood. It may sound weird to some, but pregnancy and having children are life experiences that I’m so excited to have become a part of my journey.

Another important thing to this story is that I’ve made building a better relationship with my body and my cycle a focus of my healing journey over the last year.

I believe that our bodies speak to us all the time.

Years ago, I felt guided to stop using hormonal birth control, I knew intuitively that it was not supporting my health and knew there had to be a better way. After some research, I decided to switch to the non-hormonal IUD. Then a year ago, I could feel that my body was now rejecting the IUD and screaming for me to move on.

I researched again and made the decision to switch to basal body temperature monitoring and found an amazing app, Natural Cycles, to assist with that. To be honest, I was really scared to make this switch, everything I had been taught about birth control growing up taught me that ultimately, I couldn’t trust my own body and I needed something outside of myself to protect me. I can tell you now, that is just not true. We have the ability to be so incredibly in tune with our bodies and listen deeply to the subtle messages it sends us. 

Your body is always telling you exactly what it needs, you just need to listen.

Basal body temperature monitoring taught me to become so much more in tune with my body and my cycle. Over the past year, I’ve gotten to know myself so deeply that I can honestly say that I know my body. Any given day, I can tell you exactly where I am in my cycle and what my body needs. My cycle is healthier than it’s ever been, and everything functions like clockwork.

So, it was quite a surprise last month when my period didn’t come on time. I was a bit in denial for the first few days, hoping that my period was just freakishly late. Aaron, my fiancé, was so in tune that he knew I was pregnant days before I did. Then, too many days had passed and I woke up in the morning on May 26th knowing that I was pregnant. Over the next 24 hours, I took two tests to confirm, both loud and clear positives.

And so, the roller coaster began. We quickly accepted our fate and dove into action. We did tons of research and jumped to move our wedding date which was exactly 9 months away. It amazed me how quickly I was able to fall in love with this little consciousness that was inside of me. In a matter of a day, my whole world changed. I was shocked, excited, nervous, and full of joy all at the same time.

I’ve always believed that women have an innate power within themselves that just kicks in with motherhood.

That week really confirmed that for me. We watched a great documentary, The Business of Being Born, that solidified my belief in the power of women. Something so instinctual just kicks in and it changes everything.

Days later, my world came crashing down just as quickly as it began.

I woke up bleeding and I knew something wasn’t right. I called the advice nurse to get support with what was happening and all I was left with was, “You just need to monitor it. Make sure it doesn’t get worse, if it does call us.” No one wanted to tell me what was going on, understandably, because some bleeding during pregnancy is normal. In a lot of ways though, I wish someone had said, “It sounds like this could be happening.” Unfortunately, in that situation, there really is nothing that anyone can do to change it, all you can do is go through it. When you know what’s happening, I imagined it would be easier to accept it, to know what I was going through and mourn as it happened.

Instead, I was left with so much uncertainty, all I could do was hold onto a glimmer of hope. I hoped that by some miracle, I would be the small percentage of women that bleed during pregnancy without an issue. Each day passed with more and more uncertainty. The hospital system failed me again and again. It took me 3 days to finally get an appointment to be seen by a doctor. All that time, no one gave me any answers.

I felt abandoned and uncared for by the people who are put into place to care for us, a drop in the ocean that didn’t matter to anyone.

One week after finding out about my pregnancy I arrived at the hospital for my appointment with the doctor. I arrived early, anxious to get answers. As I checked in for my appointment, I was informed that my appointment had been canceled minutes before. I was in utter shock and disbelief at the hospital system’s failure to care. Luckily, they were kind enough to reschedule my appointment to later that day with the promise of fitting me in if there was a no-show.

I was sent back to take another pregnancy test and minutes later was called back by the nurse who showed me two negative tests. None of it made sense to me as the nurse began to explain how I might have had false positives at home and maybe my period was just late because of stress. I couldn’t believe the level of gaslighting that I was receiving from this woman. Was the last week all just a dream? Was I supposed to abandon what I knew about myself and my body for the words of this woman standing in front of me?

She offered to order blood tests for me and told me that I didn’t need to see the doctor because there was nothing they could do for me. So, off I marched to take the blood test, still holding onto any glimmer of hope that I could. By the time my blood test was complete, it was 30 minutes before my rescheduled appointment and I decided that I did want to see the doctor. I truly felt like they were the only person that could give me the answers I needed.

Seeing the doctor was the right choice, he let me know that I had what is called a chemical pregnancy, they’re very common and most women don’t know that they happen. Those of us who are in tune with our bodies and our cycles are way more likely to notice. He did say that they don’t consider chemical pregnancies “real pregnancies” which for the sake of science and future family planning, I understand.

But it doesn’t make the whole experience any less real to me. For 3 weeks, my pregnancy was real.

That night, I went home and gave myself time to process the grief. We named our baby, Sage, to honor them and give them a place in our little family.

In that short time period, Sage taught us so much and prepared us for the future we are planning together.

Despite the emotional roller coaster, I’m grateful for the experience and I’m grateful for the people that have supported me on my journey so far.

I’m also grateful to be equipped with the tools I’ve developed over the years for my own healing and to be able to find meaning in the whole experience. A week after our loss, I had an intuitive healing session that gave me space to process all that had happened. It gave me the opportunity to connect with Sage in a different way and to get some closure around some of the things that I had questions about. Like if there was something that I did to make Sage feel unwanted or unloved. It also helped me to confirm my own intuition and trust my experiences.

In that short period of time that I was pregnant, having Reiki helped me to connect with Sage and gave me the tools to move through all the emotions that arose.

Despite the confusion about what was going on, I felt strong in my intuition and knowing what was best for me. I feel more empowered now to make the best decisions for myself and in finding health care providers who align with my values and who honor the intuitive and spiritual process of health. Even more so now, I honor alternative care and how valuable it is to truly care for someone. I see more reasons now for an integrative approach to health care.

I recognize how important it is to advocate for yourself and trust in your intuition when it comes to your body and your health.

I know that it’s okay to turn to alternative forms of healing in most situations and that there is a time and place for western medicine and that when you need someone to care for you that may not be the best environment.

I hope that sharing my story helps others in some way. I hope that you feel empowered to trust your intuition and the decisions you make about your body and health.

If you’ve been through a miscarriage before, including a chemical pregnancy, I hope sharing my story helps you to know that your experience was real and valid, that all the emotions you experience are valid. I hope that you find a way to honor your baby and integrate them as part of your family.

If you need support in doing this, please reach out to me. Please know that people who truly care about you and your healing are out there, advocate for yourself and find a care team who truly listens and wants you to be happy, healthy, and whole.

If you need support in trusting your intuition about your body and your health, I’m available to support you and empower you in finding the healing path that is best for you. Your healing journey is completely unique to you, and I believe that there is an innate knowing within you that will lead you to what you need to find healing.

Natasha Nirvana
Reiki Master Teacher & Spiritual Business Coach

A Simple Guide to Spiritual Wellness

What if you let go and allow a higher force to guide you to the right people, places, and things that are in your highest good? 

As humans, we need to grow and discover the world we live in. We seek meaning in our experiences and pursue what brings us connection, joy, and wonder. Often we find some meaning from a force or being greater than ourselves. This piece isn’t necessary to have spiritual wellness.

To have spiritual wellness we need to find meaning in our lives, feel like we have a purpose, and live by our values and beliefs. We need to practice surrendering to what is, to the present moment. Spiritual wellness is an essential component of our total wellness and it brings a myriad of benefits including connection to others, clarity, self-fulfillment, and a commitment to ourselves.

Having spiritual wellness is such an important building block to our total wellness. We need to look at healing holistically which means looking beyond the body and the mind. 

How do you develop spiritual wellness?

First, it is important to acknowledge that whatever your spiritual beliefs or lack of beliefs are is completely valid. While you can find a sense of meaning and purpose through religion, it is not necessary. Finding your meaning through a connection with nature or through striving to be a good human is just as important.

There can be a lot to unpack in acknowledging the validity of your personal beliefs. Often, there are lies that we have been told that tell us there is one true way to believe or that we can’t trust our intuition and beliefs about our connection with something greater. If you’re struggling to acknowledge the validity of your beliefs then your next step is to realize the lies you’ve been told and to change the story of your experience. This can be done through Spiritual Mentoring and Development.

Next, you need to get clear about what your beliefs are. This occurs through a process of questioning, reasoning, and listening to your inner guidance systems. It does not come from blindly listening to and acting on what you are told. Your spiritual experience and beliefs are unique to you. Even if your spiritual experiences align with a group, religion, or community, there is something unique about your experience. It is good to question groupthink and come to your own conclusions.

Once you’ve established your unique spirituality, your spiritual growth and wellness depend on daily practice. This doesn’t have to be extravagant. The key is finding balance in your life and prioritizing what you value most. Personally, I see my spirituality as an integral part of my life and it feeds into many aspects of my day. For others, it can be as simple as integrating a few minutes of mindfulness practice into your day.

Finally, to truly embrace spiritual wellness, you must learn to surrender. Surrender to your higher power or the moment at hand. Know that you can’t control everything and be at peace with the fact that there are things you can not always perceive right now and outside forces acting beyond your control.

Need help integrating spiritual wellness into your total wellness regimen? In my spiritual mentoring and development sessions I guide you to your unique spiritual resonance. We work together to release the lies, stories, and beliefs that do not support your spiritual wellness and develop a practice that supports you and your beliefs.

Love and light,

Natasha Nirvana
Reiki Master Teacher & Spiritual Business Coach

5 Steps to Become Powerfully Grounded in the Present

Seeing your life through the eyes of your past is keeping you from being able to see things clearly, and make beautiful changes in your life.

A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD after a traumatic event in my family. After the diagnosis and looking at the symptoms, I believe I had been living with PTSD long before a diagnosis.

One of the things my PTSD does if a traumatic memory is triggered, it is like I’m reliving the trauma in the present moment. All my anxiety, fears, and feelings from the trauma come rushing back and it’s hard to see the situation for what it really is. One of the biggest things that has helped me heal is using Reiki in the moment to send healing to the situation and bring me back to the present moment so that I can move beyond the trauma.

Not everyone has been diagnosed or has PTSD but we all have painful memories that can resurface and affect how we interact with the world. Next time one of these painful memories arises follow these steps to heal and come back into the present.

  1. Recognize the painful memory that is resurfacing. What are the details about this memory that you remember? How does this memory relate to the present moment?
  2. Take a deep breath and bring your focus to your breath.
  3. If you are in a safe and supported space, allow yourself to go into the pain. Especially if you ran away from this pain in the past. Feel each emotion that arises as deeply as you can. Move through everything that arises, using your breath to guide you. Please note that having a safe and supportive environment is essential to exploring your emotions. If you don’t feel safe doing this alone, don’t. Having a friend or family member who has the capacity to hold space for you can be extremely beneficial. This can also be a good time to book a healing session or talk to a therapist who is professionally trained to hold space and guide others through these types of experiences. In my healing sessions, I’ve held space formany who have been through very traumatic experiences, for anything outside of my scope of practice I can refer you to others who can help.
  4. If you need to skip step 3, or you’ve made it through step 3, keep your attention on your breath and start to ground yourself in the present moment by noticing the facts about your current reality. E.g. I am safe in my house. I have my person to support me. What is true in the present moment? Nothing else matters but what is true right now. You can not change the past or control future outcomes. Stay focused on your breath, imagining light filling your body until you feel completely grounded and present.
  5. Try and recognize the lesson in your experience. It can be as simple as learning to be present. Take note of anything you can shift or change to create a better reality for yourself. Take small steps, and let go of anything outside of your control.

Looking for support? Book a 1:1 session today. 

Love and light,

Natasha Nirvana
Reiki Master Teacher & Spiritual Business Coach

Free Yourself and Stop Caring What Others Think

I’ve been reflecting lately on how scary it is to do something, new before you take the leap and actually do it.

I’ve spent so much time hyping myself up with fear that I delay things that I know are going to change my life. I had one of those experiences recently and after finally doing the thing I just had to laugh at how silly and unnecessary my fear was.

One of those big moments was when I decided to step away from my massage practice and step full time into being a Reiki Practitioner. (By the way, I’ve since reintegrated massage into my Trinity Bodywork service.) I was so scared that no one was going to be interested in Reiki, that I would be judged as a woo-woo, new age hippy. I also didn’t recognize or believe in my gifts and abilities. I knew I wanted to transition months before I actually did and what finally made me do it was a big push from the Universe in the form of tendonitis in my elbow.

Contrary to what I was afraid of, being judged and rejected, it was easy for me to book clients.
I also learned so much about my strengths and abilities. Over time, I stepped into my power as a Healer and became a leader in my industry. Now on top of getting to share my healing gifts, I also get to guide and empower others. 

Have you been holding back on something because you are afraid of judgment from others?

Today is the lunar eclipse in Sagittarius and it’s calling us to look at how much we have changed in the last year and a half. It’s time to let go of the old: old ideas, old frequencies, old beliefs, old stories. Shed your old life and expand into your new one.

Who are you now?

What is your higher self guiding you toward?

What do you need to change so that you can free your soul?

It becomes easy when you relax, release control, and fully surrender to Spirit and your inner guidance.

Today, reflect on these questions and commune with your higher self.

What is one step you can take today to move you in the direction that your soul is guiding you?

Need help connecting to your inner voice and figuring out how to surrender to your soul knowing?

Book a 1:1 session to help you release your old stories and step into the new you. I have openings this week to help you do this in the shadow of this full moon eclipse.

Love and light,

Natasha Nirvana
Reiki Master Teacher & Spiritual Business Coach

Opening Your Heart to Receive Abundance

The ability to open your heart is the key to unlocking an abundant world.

Abundance isn’t something that I necessarily feel has flown easily into my life. I feel that I am blessed but true abundance to me is more feeling than something material.

When I feel the most abundant my heart is full and receiving blessings is easy. But it can be so simple to become closed off to that feeling of abundance and feel like no matter how hard I try, I’m never going to feel the love that comes with the feeling of abundance. I’ve created stories and expectations around now that abundance will look and whether or not I deserve to receive it.

Can you relate?

Your ability to receive love and abundance is directly tied to your heart.

When you create walls around your heart it blocks your ability to heal and receive. These blockages are a tool to protect us from getting hurt again, but they do more to hurt you than protect you. They keep you stuck in the past, holding or to resentments, unable to move forward and trust the potential of love and abundance.

What resentments are you holding onto? 

Where are you blaming others or yourself for the pain you experience? 

What stories and patterns from the past do you keep repeating?

What walls do you have that are keeping you from the love and abundance that you desire?

Forgiveness is the key to opening your heart and unlocking more abundance in your life and business!

Choosing to forgive yourself and others is one of the biggest steps in healing.

Before forgiveness, you must work through any guilt or anger associated with the pain. Then when you are ready, choose to forgive. One of my favorite forgiveness practices is ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian prayer for forgiveness. Simply chant over and over as a meditation, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

Remember that forgiveness is for you and your healing, not the other person.

Choosing forgiveness opens the heart to receive love and abundance. It releases resentment, guilt and blame and prevents them from being stored in the body and turning into chronic disease, joint pain, and stored fat. In your business, it will open you to receive a booked-out practice.

Not sure how to let go of the pain and forgive?

Love and light,

Natasha Nirvana
Reiki Master Teacher & Spiritual Business Coach