I’ve spent most of this month hermiting and working through some of the strongest levels of anxiety and PTSD that I’ve experienced in a very long time. A couple of months ago, I felt the pull of taking being my true self to the next level. It became clear to me that there were parts of myself that I’ve been hiding which have been holding me back in some pretty big ways because I’ve been afraid of what might happen if I let people see all of me.
In truth, everything that has been coming up for me has been building up over the last ten years of my healing journey as I learned more about who I am and started to accept all the different parts of me. But it wasn’t until recently that I really started feeling the pressure to show those pieces of me to the rest of the world. In fact, I’m still not quite ready to get out there and let it all show. I still feel like I’m in this season of hermiting and getting myself to a space where I really feel safe within myself.
What I didn’t realize a couple months ago when I started this next phase of my journey was how hard it would really be.
Often people will ask me “When does the journey end?”, “When will it be better?”, or “When will I truly love myself?” I truly believe now more than ever that there isn’t an end rather we’re just always learning, growing and evolving. There are times of ease and then there are times where it’s much more difficult and it feels like you’re dredging through the muck.
I’m personally in a season of drudging through the muck but here’s what I’m learning:
- Seeking help is essential, as much help as you need. For me that’s currently bi-weekly coaching sessions to help me set and achieve goals that help me be more authentic plus weekly therapy sessions to work through layers and layers of trauma and anxiety that stop me from expressing myself authentically. Having a team of people who support you and are working on your healing from all angles; physical, emotional, and spiritual, helps greatly in supporting yourself in your process.
- Feeling safe is extremely important in expressing your authentic self. For someone like me, who has never truly felt safe being myself, that means cultivating that safety within so that as I become more of myself I can feel confident in taking action on my goals.
- Feeling safe doesn’t mean playing it small and staying in the same place.
- As you start to express yourself authentically you learn the people that are really there for you and your boundaries for what you will accept become super clear. Often those boundaries can upset others because they can no longer shape you into their perfect vision of you that they have created.
- There are people who will accept you, and then there are some who won’t accept you at first, there are some who will never accept you, and there are some who will come around and try to learn and grow with you.
- Talking to people and creating a community for yourself of people who understand you and can understand what you’ve been through really matters and those people are out there.
- You’ll shed layers of yourself and of your past that make you more and more free.
In this process, I’ve been so grateful to have all the tools that I’ve gained over the years and I’m grateful to have the support and people to help me find new tools or remind me to use old ones as I heal and gain the strength, confidence and freedom to share my whole self.
How can I support you in your journey?
